Lifestyle, Fashion and travel

Thursday, 20 October 2016

Life's full of Uncertainty

I've got a lot of unpublished blog posts where I've tried to get into words my feelings from the past month without sounding incredibly depressed or just genuinely not making sense.

Nothing has really happened in particular, but I've been feeling extremely anxious. A lot of nights I've found myself crying myself to sleep or having to run to the loos because I suddenly burst out crying (to be fair I think 'that time of the month' may also be looming so that could have an impact).

I think moving back to university for my final year has forced me to face a lot of familiar feelings; of being alone, home sickness, a lot of work to juggle (that I've now realised Biology really isn't my thing), pressure of recovery but the critical voice in my head etc etc.


With this new sudden surge of anxiety that I've never really felt to this extent before I have experienced sudden huge panics that leave me feeling completely hopeless and to be honest that hasn't really gone away, I just choose to think about something else but I can still feel it lingering and I feel like I'm not really dealing with it.

One of the things that leads me to panic, is thinking of the future. As a third and final year student, (on the one hand thank god, but the other hand... oh shit) everyone I meet asks me what I want to do afterwards. I do mean everyone!! And every single time (sometimes I beat them to it before they actually finish the question just to get through the horrible awkward silence that comes after) I reply with 'to be honest, I've got no idea'.

And at first I would laugh and then leave it, but now it's playing in my mind. Especially with lecturers telling me to apply to graduate schemes now, it's leading me to panic. The sense of running out of time always sends me into a huge panic. (Hell I'm the one that starts getting ready to go out for the evening at around 4 - and it really doesn't take me long to get ready, I'll most probably have mentally picked out my outfit the night before and it's not like I'm skilled with makeup and hair or anything)


I guess what I'm trying to tell myself is that it's OK not to know right now. And I'm not running out of time. In fact the way I should look at it is that I've only got a year (well less than that) until I'll finally be let loose on the world (Australia I'm coming for you... and then the rest of the planet) and finally be free to really do whatever I want. And although I don't really know what I enjoy doing and what career path I want to go into, I need to have faith that it will all work out.





Please tell me I'm not the only one that feels like this sometimes?



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20 comments

  1. Lovely blog post. I really needed to read this. Thank you for sharing.

    www.patriciastelmach.co.uk

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    1. Thanks so much Patricia, I'm glad it helped, that's all I want from these kind of posts!

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  2. Great post, I've just into my final year at university too and thinking about the future makes me so anxious! X

    The Fashion Road.com
    Instagram @louisefrancescaa

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    1. Thanks for your comment Louise, I'm glad I'm not the only one!

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  3. Loved reading this. Please check out my latest post on Halloween outfit ideas!

    Kisses xo | From Aliona With Love

    Instagram @alionawithlove

    Twitter @alionawithlove

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    1. Thanks Aliona, that really means a lot! Sure thing - fab blog!

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  4. Wow, your blog is amazing! I love it! xx
    Would you like to follow each other? If yes, please follow me on the both of my blogs and let me know in the comments of my newest posts so I can follow you ASAP.
    Have a great day!

    Vildana from Living Like V & Stalia Is BAE

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    1. Thanks so much Vildana, I'll definitely check them out - love your Europe travel ideas!

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  5. I completely know where you're coming from! I've had so many moments when I just wanted to give up on life. But sometimes after the darkest clouds the sun come shining through. Stay strong!
    Dora
    http://www.adropofindigo.com/

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    1. Aww, thanks Dora, nice to know I'm not the only one! You're so right though, thanks for the support!

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  6. You're certainly not the only one who feels like this! Even at college every teacher asked about our plans for the future so I can imagine it's 10x more in your final year of uni. I find it's often helpful just to ask yourself what's the worst that can happen, because it's probably not actually that awful a situation really. :) I have faith that you will be just fine though!
    lily kate x
    jolihouse.com

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    1. Thanks so much Lily! Oh god I remember yes, they'd ask that constantly then too - both very stressful times, I find, unless you know exactly what it is you want to do! Yes my mum says the same thing, I definitely do find it helps put things into perspective a bit!

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  7. I have these anxious moments all the time as well!!! I hope it all becomes less stressful for you soon!
    xx Sofia | SofiaaDot

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    1. Thanks Sofia, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one!

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  8. This is such a common feeling and you never have to feel like you're the only one going through them! That's what I love about this community, there's the ability to not feel so alone.
    What is meant to be will become clear to you over time, lovely post x
    ps. Australia would love to have you!

    xx

    Liz | LotsofLoveLiz

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    1. Aww, thanks so much Liz! (I'm so excited for Australia!) You're right, the blogging community is such an amazing place to open up and feel less alone!

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  9. PLEASE don't stress beautiful lady - I'd say probably 90% of graduates have NO idea either love! I certainly didn't - our third year was just so crazy I couldn't even see past getting work completely and handed in on time, it was such a huge relief once it was over but then I was like 'oh, what now?' - I applied for several jobs in PR that just either weren't quite right for me or I wasn't quite right for the job.

    In the end, I landed an internship (I'd met the team through my blog), which was meant to be for 2 weeks but turned into my job for a year and a half and I absolutely LOVED it! Keep up with your blog as we all love reading it and you never know where it might take you (although don't put too much pressure on yourself love as third year is crazy enough as it is!) and the rest will work itself out once you've graduated :)

    Much love!
    Hayley xo
    www.frockmeimfamous.com

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    1. Oh Hayley, thank you so so so much for this comment, you've really made me feel much better after a busy weekend and it's so comforting to know that you managed to find a job that you loved without knowing it before hand! I'm so glad I got into blogging (and it's made my day hearing that you actually enjoy reading it) and I'm not prepared to let that go - it's helped with so many aspects and I can't wait to be able to do it more!

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